Rotten Ronnie

Who is Macdonalds trying to fool?

Now I watched Super Size Me and was disturbed like most. Recently I read an article on a Cheeseburger that hasn't changed its look in four years! no mold, nothin! Scary shit. Google it I dare ya! You'd think after reading all this crap and seeing all this stuff about the Mcnasty that is Macdonald's, that I would NEVER EVER eat that shit again. For a while I didn't. I sure did eat Wendy's, DQ A & W and Burger King though. Then last night  was dying for something nasty. I was going to use it medicinally, of course,  for my self inflicted ALE-ments. It occurred to me that none of these places are good or good for you. There is no fast food Utopia! I know that when I eat there, I will pay with a sore belly etc.......but I do it anyway. Why, I just can't say. Chalk it up to moments of weakness or maybe it's because so many of my memories involve that greasy freaky non real "food" that comes from god knows where.

So, as I'm standing in Mcdick's last night (can't do drive through as my window won't go down) I was looking around at the decor. It was weird. No Rondal McDonald. No Mayor McCheese. Certainly no Grimace and perhaps saddest of all, no Hamburglar. What the hell? Where was I? Instead of all the images the little kiddies love there were posters and murals of scenes that were straight outta freedom 55. One wall had a retiree couple frolicking in the beach on the sand. Another had a father and son at the park. What the fuck is that all about? Do they really think this is making a difference in marketing? There are MILLIONS of people just like me who know that McD's is vile science made,  non-food that isn't fit to feed a starving rat, BUT STILL EAT IT ANYWAY. I already feel bad enough about myself eating this shit. I don't need some ridiculous marketing campaign staring at me when I go in there. Jesus, I remember the day chicken nuggets were served up on a super cool little sword as you walked in the door cause they wanted to see if they'd sell. I ALWAYS buy my mcnuggets. Delicious little non chicken turds of death they are!!! You had me at five!

So come on McDick, Let us live like the old days. We know you serve shit but we buy it anyway. Save yourself a bazillion bucks in BS advertising and bring back that freaky deaky little clown. Bring back that over weight purple thing and the dude who has a cheeseburger for a head. What happened to you. We don't believe your freedom 55 bullshit. We KNOW this food is crap but we don't care. It's not like someone ATE Mayor McCheese....They just killed him off. Stuffed him in a closet somewhere where he should be a moldy study of some freakish kind of world curing penicillin but he's not even doing that. He's just sitting there in that dark wondering when Rotten Ronaldo is coming by to annoy the shit out of him. Well guess what McCheese. you're on your own pal. No one is coming for you. They are busy frolicking on the beach and at the park where life is grand and everyone is eating healthy salads from Mc'D's!

Give me play land, Give me crappy birthday cakes that make delicious memories for kids all over. How can the fucking happy meal even be Happy....is it even still called that? It's probably called a "we dress this shit up so your parents think its not so bad for you meal" and its all a waste of their money. Parents KNOW it's bad. They also KNOW it makes fat little johnny and rolly pole-y Sally happier than just about anything. I mean come on, most parents let their kids watch TV, listen to shit music and play video games that are not so secretly ruining the globe....go ahead, let em have a Mclard sandwich. Sooner or later it will happen.

Lets all just have a little dose of honesty shall we. Not everything we do in life is good for you. Isn't there still a choice? Make your choices and live with the consequences. I'm not mad today because I ate McDonalds. I'm mad because they are lying to me. They aren't letting me have the real McDonalds. They are trying to dress their shit up. It all looks the same on the TP roll folks, I know who you are. I know what you are. So do millions. And you know what? I'll still drop a ten sheet there a few times a year to get my  fix. And I'll live with the fact that I could have made a better judgement that day.

You ain't fooling no one Ronnie. face it man. You can lie to yourself but you can't lie to me. I've been with you for too long. I know you. You should be ashamed. Pfffft.

R